I've got sunshine on a cloudy day

Friday night I found myself again peering through the plexiglass at the top of the Kimball tower over a cold, silent Provo. Adam and I were again bundled up and cuddling to keep ourselves warm. I think it was even colder than Tuesday night. Everything was working out like a dream. We had had a perfect week: meeting up on campus between classes for lunch or just to visit, designating each other's cell phone ring (when I called him it played "My Girl" and when he called me mine rang "You and I Both"), talking online into the wee hours of the morning, just getting to know each other better.

Adam was going home to Massachusetts for Christmas break as heartbreakingly early as December 17th. He would be gone for three whole miserable weeks!! We began discussing how difficult the separation would be when Adam brilliantly offered a solution: I could come out to stay with his family during part of the break! I was terrified and elated all at once. I'm incredibly shy and I would want to make a good impression on these people. Their opinions mattered a lot! But my shyness had to give way to my extreme joy at the thought of what this invitation meant. I mean, a guy doesn't ask just any girl to fly across the country to stay with his family for a week. I told him I wanted to come but I wasn't sure if I could. I'd have to find a plane ticket I could afford. Of course, he told me he had already started looking for one for me! What a punk! He had no doubt that I would come. But of course, neither did I.

This conversation took place on the top step of the stairwell. I had been driven inside by the freezing winds at the top of the tower. Adam kept going back and forth between keeping watch outside and sitting with me. We were sitting there, discussing my possible travel plans, when he reached over and took my hand in his. He sorta halfway pretended he had done it to help warm me up, but I think he gave up on that when he realized he didn't need an excuse.

Baby, it's cold outside!

On Tuesday evening, I hitched a ride to campus with my brother Chris, as he was heading out to join the radio club for patrol duty. We met by the fountain on the north side of the ASB. The club members divided up areas of responsibility and split up. Adam was to roam around the HFAC. We must have circled the HFAC a dozen times, listening to the goofy chatting of the other members of the club, and chatting ourselves, before Chris radioed Adam to meet him by the Kimball tower. There was usually somebody posted on top of the 13 story tower to have a better view of campus. Chris, as club president, decided to let me and Adam take that post. It was more conducive to conversation.

The view from the tower is beautiful. I was amazed by how much of Provo we could see. I wasn't much help to Adam at looking out for Utah fans; I was too busy checking out the view from all four sides. Well, if it was cold on the ground, it was downright frigid on top of that tower. We spent a lot of the time huddled together to keep warm. As we were huddling, we began having what would be considered a DTR. ;) At one point in our conversation, the part where I was confessing to Adam that I had had a huge crush on him all along, I leaned forward and hid my face against his shoulder to hide my blushing. Suddenly I heard a squelching noise from his radio! Horrified that I had just announced to the entire radio club and BYU police department my feelings for Adam, I jumped back and looked to Adam for help. He was just as worried as I was! We stood there in silence for several minutes, waiting to see if someone would say anything about it. When no one did, Adam assured me that it probably hadn't gone out over the radio.

The rest of the night passed rather pleasantly. I don't think we had any real run-ins with pranksters. If we did they weren't very memorable. Or maybe I was just too caught up in Adam to pay much attention to what was going on. When Adam's watch ended he asked me if I would like to come out with him again on Friday night. I decided I didn't mind the cold so much when the company was so nice.

He loves me!!!

Adam was planning on being out with the radio club on Monday and Tuesday nights. For whatever reason, I couldn't join him on Monday night. We had talked earlier that day and pretty much decided that we wanted to be boyfriend/girlfriend. I know what you're thinking: You've only been on one date!! I know! I'd tell me the same thing if I were you. But it was just right. We also decided he was going to come to my house for Thanksgiving dinner. This meant he had to break his engagement at Jon and Becca's (bro and sis-in-law). And in order to do that, he had to tell Becca about me. Telling Becca meant he had to tell his mom for fear she would hear it from Becca first. It was a very delicate matter. So, he shot off an email to his mom, telling her we had "been out a few times." Hee hee! And he called Becca to cancel.

I was really sorry not to be joining Adam that night. The thought of "my boyfriend" out walking in the freezing cold all alone made me so sad. So, I got him the next best thing to having me hanging on his arm: GUMMY BEARS! My sister drove me to campus and we ran into Adam somewhere around the Smith fieldhouse. He looked like such a cutie in his scouting jacket and red and blue striped hat, with his radio hanging around his neck! I think when he first saw me he thought I had changed my mind and decided to stay with him. That made me feel even worse! I must have had class or something the next morning to keep me from going. Though, that doesn't seem like enough to have kept me away, actually.

He loves me; he loves me... not?!?

I had to be at work bright and early the next morning, but I minded this much less considering Adam would be joining me a few hours later. As the time grew nearer for his arrival, I grew more and more anxious about seeing him. It was weird seeing him the first time after a date at work. And he was always a little less friendly on Saturdays. Finally, the time came and I saw him coming in on the security cameras. When I heard the door open, I waited just a moment before turning around to say Hello. He was looking above my head at the television which was always on mute! I was so excited to see him and he didn't even look at me! When he finally did make eye contact he acted very cool and unconcerned. Like his usual Saturday self. I was crestfallen! Looking back I'm glad he didn't act differently towards me as I would have felt uncomfortable since there were other people in the room and they would have realized how we felt about each other. But at the time, I thought it was the most terrible sign. Of course, as the few hours we had together that day passed, I realized he was no less enthusiastic than he had been the night before, and I was free to be crazy about him.

Everything was off to a great start. I even invited him over to my sister's house to watch a movie with me and company that night, but he had homework to do. I was actually okay with that considering I hadn't let anybody else know I was inviting him! We continued chatting online when we could. I probably really hindered his ability to do homework. Over the weekend, he invited me to accompany him when he was out for campus watch the next week during Red Week. (Every fall, the week of the football game against Utah, we have extra patrols around campus to catch any pranksters. The Nerd, a.k.a. HAM radio club, always helps out. Adam was going to be out patrolling, when he wasn't working extra-late hours in the dispatch center.) I wasn't excited at the prospect of spending hours out in the frigid cold and I had technically sworn never to do anything associated with the Nerd Club, but how could I pass up the chance to be with Adam for those hours. I agreed to go. (I really had no concept of just how cold it was going to be.)

11 November 2005

I only had one class that Friday morning and it was over by noon. As soon as I got outside, I turned my cell phone on in anticipation of that most coveted of phone calls: a call about a date with Adam Cox. I met up with my sister, Becca, to catch the bus home. We were walking across the Wilk quad when my cell phone rang. Adam wanted to confirm time and activities. We were going to see a show at the newly constructed planetarium about Harry Potter! Due to Adam's lack of transportation, we decided I could catch the bus back to campus and meet at the bus stop outside the Wilk. I went home and immediately began primping. I only had seven hours!

My curious sisters decided they wanted to catch a glimpse of this guy I was crazy about, so they drove me to campus and dropped me off at the bus stop. Just as we got there, I saw Adam running across the street. He looked so handsome! We met up and cut through the Wilk on the way to the science center. It was a cold, rainy night and it was a good thing I thought to bring an umbrella. Fortunately, it was only designed for one, so it required us to get nice and cozy for our walk across campus.

We got to the planetarium a little early so we had some time to just sit and chat. I really enjoyed the show. I'm a huge Harry Potter fan, and Adam knew that, so it was a perfect choice. I can't remember anything they talked about really, but it was interesting. Just knowing that Adam was sitting next to me, despite the fact that I could no longer see him, made me happy.

After the show we walked to the creamery for ice cream. I got my usual, peanut butter cup, and Adam had a soft serve, chocolate and vanilla swirl sundae with gummy bears. I have since learned of the superiority of that sundae to any other ice cream imaginable. After ice cream, we stopped off at his apartment so he could loan me his fashionable green scout jacket since I was painfully ill clad for the cold weather. Then we continued to stroll around campus, just talking.

When we got to Maeser Hill, which really gets a bad wrap, in my opinion, for being dangerous, I challenged him to roll down the hill with me. This was one of my tests I liked to use on dates. If they were willing to roll down the hill, they had potential. I mean, I needed a guy who's willing to act like a fool along side me. Well, Adam was willing, but I wouldn't let him considering the wet, muddy, freezing state of the grass. But he got the points all the same. Instead, we found a nice tree to climb up into. We sat there, still just talking away, for a while before we headed off campus to my house. I had decided I really didn't want to have to call my sister to come pick me up and it was getting too late for the bus, so I just had Adam walk me home.

Several blocks later, we arrived at my house. Neither of us wanted the date to end, so we just sat out on the front porch swing, talking. I just love talking to that man! He told me about how he wanted to go to Alaska the next summer to drive tour buses, and how his mom always forgot his birthday (though she and I have since ascertained that this was a huge exaggeration), and how he was going to live in Wyview Park the next year and that I should live there, too. It was heavenly. But, eventually, it grew late and close to curfew time. So, after giving me one big, dreamlike hug, he took back his jacket and headed home. I really hated seeing him go, not just because I missed his company, but because it was freezing cold and he had so far to go. But he assured me he didn't mind the walk at all. How could he, though, after a date like that?

It's Getting Better

The next day, Sunday, I got online on the offchance that Adam might instant message me again. He did! And this time, we didn't just talk about work. He had gone out to Preference the night before with a girl from his ward and apparently stayed out too late. I was able to ascertain that he did not like this girl as more than friends and this was a huge bit of information. That must mean he didn't have a girlfriend! I was ecstatic! We continued talking until well after midnight. It was heavenly.

The next afternoon I had to work again, and again with Christy. And she totally knew something was up. Looking back, I guess she was also chatting online with Adam and he was teling her everything. I finally told her that I had a crush on Adam and she began strategizing and encouraging, as always. (This was a kind of tradition we had. We loved discussing guys at work. It passed the time on a dull shift very nicely.) Adam and I continued chatting online, which was crucial since we only saw each other two days a week. Things just kept getting better and better. Christy would tell me the cute things he had said about me and how she knew he liked me, too.

Well, that momentous night finally arrived. Thursday. It was a radio club meeting night so Adam didn't come in until after 8:00 p.m. It was also my very first time working in dispatch alone. I was very nervous. I had worked there for years as an alarm monitor and had been training as a dispatcher for months, but the thought of getting a 911 call with no one there to help me was terrifying. (Ethan, the other dispatcher who was supposed to work with me, was also going to the nerd meeting. He and Christy had switched shifts which was why she was working the previous Saturday morning. Just in case someone was reading really closely and got confused.) I'm pretty sure nothing happened, though.

I was really excited about this night, partly because I got to see Adam in person for the first time after spending a lot of time chatting, but mostly because Christy had told me she thought he was going to ask me out. (She had convinced him I wasn't technically his supervisor.) When he got there he seemed distant, probably because he was less comfortable around Ethan than Christy. I kept waiting for him to say something to me. Ask to talk to me privately. Something! Nothing. It was one of the worst Thursday nights we had ever had together. My shift ended and I left, dejected. By the time I got home, I was devastated. I had been counting on him asking me out. I started to get mad at Christy for getting my hopes up. Before I went to bed, I decided to give him one last chance. I got back online.

Almost immediately, he started talking to me. A few minutes later, he started telling me how he "hated to do this over the internet" but he had no other means at his disposal at the moment and would I like to go on a date with him Friday night. :) Suddenly the world was perfect. I don't think I need to say this, but I accepted, and he began asking me what I wanted to do. I really didn't care as long as he was going to be there. So, we decided he was in charge of everything and he would call me the next day after my Latin class to let me know what the plan was. I went to bed that night one very happy girl.

Deus ex machina

October was ending and I was still trying to come up with a way for us to meet outside of work. I decided it was okay to invite him to a party - that's completely different than asking out on a date. Rachel and Hillary, two of my friends from Latin, and I decided to have a Halloween get together. It was going to be at my house and we were really just going to order pizza and watch movies. We invited a few other friends and I was going to invite Adam, despite the fact that I knew full well he had to work that Saturday night. My reasoning was this: if he didn't want to come, he had an easy out to soften the rejection. If he did want to come he could try and get work off. And if nothing else, he would at least know I wanted to be real friends and not just co-workers. Well, true to form, I chickened out. Our other friends couldn't come anyway, so Rachel, Hillary and I had a great time eating caramel apples and watching Henry V by ourselves. The evening wasn't a total loss.

Despite my timidity, our friendship was evolving. I woke up one Friday morning after a glorious night at work, to discover he had invited me to be friends on facebook. I quickly accepted and began flirting via email. The next development occured in early November. Christy and I walked into work bright and early one Saturday morning to discover that the Smith Fieldhouse was flooding. Majorly. It was a crazy morning. Things were starting to calm down in dispatch later that morning when I got an unexpected instant message from mightymouse334. He wanted to let me know he was going to take a test and might be a little late for his shift which started at 1:00 p.m. I told him to check out the damage on his way back so he could report back to us. Everyone responding to the disaster was too busy to update us on what it was like. I think I was so happy that he had instant messaged me that I couldn't even tell Christy about it. I didn't want to reveal how happy it made me. Though, why he didn't just call... Anyway. That's not the important part.

Later that afternoon I was again at my sister Julie's house. My other sister, Becca, was there as well. She was telling us all about her latest crush and how he had asked her out to dinner or something of the sort. I lamented how I wished the same would happen to me. Well, a few minutes later, Chris, my brother-in-law, came into the room and announced that he had just called Adam at work. (Chris is the same bro-in-law who was supervisor over dispatch and HAM nerd, so he knew Adam pretty well.) He said he had told Adam that if he were to ask me out, I would not say no. I was MORTIFIED! Ok, I was really very grateful to him, but I was still so afraid it would backfire. I had been trying to get Chris to help me out in view of his extra connections with Adam. But I had no idea he would be so blunt about it. I wasn't 100% sure I believed him at first, actually. Later that afternoon, I instant messaged Adam about a work related matter. I was too embarassed to call him. He seemed normal, but how can you tell over instant messenger?